What To Do When He Becomes Distant

By Mimi Tanner

What do you say when the man you love becomes distant?

What do you say when your boyfriend says he wants to break up?

What do you DO if your husband wants to leave??

It hurts to see the man you adore start drifting away - and it's even more painful for you if you can't figure out the reason.

Never be quick to assume he's cheating.... not all men cheat.

The reasons usually boil down to three problem areas: frequent disagreements; or the former flames of passion are cooling to ash; or - you're unconsciously making him believe that he cannot please you.

Whether you understand the reasons fully or not, it's time to act.

It's time to take the approach he isn't expecting.

So here's what NOT to do - do not act in a surge of emotion.

As difficult as this is, try to get some distance from the situation. Think with a clear head.

Believe that he won't get farther away from you while you're taking your time to think.

In fact, he's more likely to get closer to you - and to wonder what is going through YOUR mind.

Next, in your own mind privately, make your plans.

First, think about Plan B: Think in terms of not being with him - and think about how you will move ahead if that happens.

Don't try to talk him out of leaving. In fact, mirror what he does to some extent. That's what he's NOT expecting from you.

He's not expecting you to be totally okay with him backing away.

Next - proceed to Plan A.

Plan A is your plan to get your wants met. However, it has to be something you BOTH want or it won't work.

And that's where you have your work cut out for you.

Many critics will bristle at my calling this a "plan." Is there something wrong with planning your life??

We plan our life insurance, health insurance, career moves - but we're not supposed to plan our love lives or the future of our children???

I think we should plan these above all the rest!

Plan A is this:

No more talking about this situation. Show him - with very few words - that you can move on with your life if he insists on leaving. And don't make a big deal out of it.

It's kind of like when both of you are pulling on a rope, playing tug of war with your relationship.

If you let go, he will lose his balance and fall on his you know what - unexpectedly. It may be a good place for him to sit and think about whether he REALLY wants to lose you forever.

Behind the scenes, you can begin your private campaign to get him back - if you want him back. Now you too have time to think!

Read next: What To Do When a Great Guy Stops Calling

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