How Not To Be a Bunny-Boiling Lunatic With Men
What is the fastest possible way to get rid of a man (or a woman for that matter)?
It's by acting crazy in a scary way. Do you know anyone who scares men off by acting like a raving lunatic?
How about you? Ever "lost it" in front of a guy? Ever caused a man to think that you are a freaking nutcase?? BONKERS??? Ready to take up residence in the local laughing academy?
Not that we all wouldn't like a "vacation" - to recover from this super-stressful world! No time for that NBD (Nervous Breakdown) this month!
Don't get me wrong - I have the utmost concern for anyone who faces real emotional pain for any reason. I'm still trying to get it all figured out, like most of us. And I have a very significant interest in all things mental health.
But here I'm talking about how you relate to the guys in your life. Do you ever act "crazy" - as in SCARY crazy?
I mean REALLY crazy: a "Bunny Boiler" (harking back to the classic movie "Fatal Attraction"). If you have never seen that movie, then it is an absolute MUST. (This movie is not intended for children.)
In "Fatal Attraction" you have two great examples of women. One is the epitome of a classy and desirable woman. She's the wife, played by Anne Archer, who can teach by example what charm and grace is all about.
The other example of "what not to do" (to put it mildly) is the character who made "Bunny Boiler" a household word, played unforgettably by Glenn Close.
This movie is based on a British film. Both are great cautionary tales about the potential consequences of infidelity. (If you've ever seen the British version, you'll remember the "ring......ring....." vividly!)
But back to our topic: people who "act out" in their romantic relationship, and the chilling effect it has on the person who was attracted to them (but who is now signing up for a course in self-defense).
No one is perfect! When the stress is mounting, we can lose it. These days, people lose it a LOT.
In the old days, there were Etiquette classes; these have been replaced by Anger Management classes. We lost our manners but found our voice - and it is very LOUD.
When it comes to the heart, the stakes are very high, It's easy to find yourself rattled - sometimes in reaction to HIS behavior and how you interpret it.
When someone "loses" it, there's always a reason.
There is always a reason behind whatever set off the fury button.
If you've done this, you are not alone. A day does not go by that I hear from a woman who has really "lost it" one way or another, and is hoping she can make things right again.
If you're going to freak out, well, try to do it OUTSIDE your dating life. WHEN you're dating, keep your cool. Keep your wits about you. Show self-control.
Life is stressful enough, so compartmentalize the stressful parts. Keep in mind where you are strongest and at your best.
In a relationship, if you start acting in a way that makes your sweetheart even wonder for a second that you could become a true "bunny boiling," volatile, drunk-dialing STALKER... then most sane men will drop whatever you thought was your "relationship" in a heartbeat!
Now maybe you are nowhere near a Stalker. Maybe you just have little temper tantrums. Trust me, this too can scare off a great man!
"Guilty as charged. I have been a Drama Queen and it cost me the love of my life. It was one of hardest lessons I ever learned in love.
"I was upset that I wasn't getting the emotional response I wanted from my man. We were sitting on a sofa. To make it clear how I felt, I knocked a wine glass from the coffee table to the floor with my foot! Nothing was broken, but I'll never forget the look on my guy's face. It hurts me every time I think of it, to this day.
"That wasn't the day things fell apart - the actual end took longer. But when I look back, I feel sure that this was, as you have said, 'the beginning of the end.' He married someone else a few years later."
Dear "Sad," I feel for you. I remember losing my cool with someone I loved years ago. I knew in my bones that my guy was thinking, "If she acts like this when we're dating, what will she do if we're married??"
And who can blame a guy (or girl) for thinking that?
Some people just ARE rather dramatic - drama queens, if we must use that phrase!
Perhaps the "dramatic moment" is intended to demonstrate the intensity of her feelings. Or to just let off the steam that seemingly has nowhere else to go.
However, instead of the "object lesson" she intended, her guy has just seen a very big RED FLAG where she's concerned.
He's thinking that if she acts like a nutcase around him, how will she act with their future children - or with the children he already has??
She may know better than to act up in front of his kids, but he can only go by the way she conducts herself in his presence.
We'd draw the same conclusions if a guy acted this way too.
So being a Drama Queen is definitely NOT recommended. If we're that dramatic, then we need another outlet for our emotions - music, painting, exercise - even acting!
So don't let your emotions control the way you act - it's just that simple - or that hard!
No one enjoys being upset. One tip is to try to mentally separate yourself from your feelings.
The feeling is one thing, and the decision of how to act is another thing.
Another tip is to remember that years from now, the situation will seem very small - and you'll be SO glad you didn't allow yourself to be baited by the way you're reading someone ELSE'S actions.
Lately I have noticed that many women are resorting to "losing it" because they think that will get them what they want. They either scream or make an ALL CAPS DEMAND for a response from a man, even if he is ignoring them.
Maybe they think this will actually get them somewhere - or they're so frustrated that they don't care and are willing to blow off steam and make themselves look dreadful in the process - sometimes publicly.
It's ALWAYS a bad move. We need to be above this kind of unloading - especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Do you really want yelling, All Caps, and demanding to be his lasting memory of you? Such images are hard to erase.
The remorse that follows will last for years after that short display of temper!
Don't do that to yourself!
Particularly during the early stages of courting and attraction, your ability to stay calm and conduct yourself with grace is crucial if you want a man to consider making a life with you, or to even spend any time with you.
The last thing a man wants to think he'll be living with daily is a Drama Queen!
Volatile behavior will always backfire in real life. It won't help the situation - ever.
It can even breed resentment in others and the desire to "get back at you" if your behavior was directed AT someone.
If you've been in this situation, forgive yourself and move on. You're human, and you're certainly not the only person who has ever "lost it."
And - please steer clear of men who act crazy. Avoid them like the plague. Go for the calm, relaxed, KIND men who treat everyone well.
Trust me, you will be SAFE with men like this. I'm not talking about "playing it safe" in a boring way. I mean feeling safe, secure, and happy!