Do You Change When You Start Falling In Love?
Have you ever experienced this? Things are going well with a man in your life, and then you find yourself falling in love with him... and then, you start changing, whether you want to or not.
One of the ways women change is that they change the "tone" of the relationship. They may go into the relationship with few expectations, but then find themselves wanting more from a man - because they have fallen in love with him.
There's nothing wrong with that! But the problem is that when they reach this point, many women suddenly lose their confidence - the same alluring confidence that was part of what won a man's heart.
One reader shared this:
"This is easier said than done sometimes. If I'm not interested in a man, it's not a problem. But if I really like someone, I've been known to do some dumb things.
"I'm one of those people who work really hard to get what I want once I make up my mind that I want the man I become a totally different person I don't even recognize. I end up pushing them away by pursuing them and telling them how I really feel instead of letting things happen and letting it be their idea.
"I'm not the most patient person in the world, but I'm working hard to change that. The problem is I wait way too long to get out and see men after a relationship ends. Then when I find someone great, I seem to repeat the same mistakes over and over.
Thank you, K., for sending this - so many women can relate to this!
The first step (in K.'s situation and for everyone who gets in this situation) is one she has already taken - she's obviously an intelligent woman and she SEES what the problem is. She has named it. Even though it can seem that this alone does not solve things, it is the first step. In time, it leads us to the solution.
For now, let's talk about what she says: "once I make up my mind that I want the man I become a totally different person I don't even recognize."
When you feel this start to happen, the FIRST thing to do is to take a step back in your mind (and your actions). Regain your confidence.
Realize that what happens in this relationship will have a lot to do with your being able to relax. Only when you can relax, can you think and enjoy each time you share with the person you want.
One problem here is that women start focusing too much on how special the man is (and then thinking that for some reason they either don't deserve him or will lose him) - and they start forgetting how unique they are.
I urge you to get in the habit of reminding yourself of your most positive qualities ANY time you hear yourself in your mind start to disparage yourself.
You'll be amazed how this habit can help you hold your head high and show confidence in any situation and no matter how you think you look, too.
Remind yourself how wonderful you are. When you are mentally reminding yourself of something you said or did that you regret, start listing to yourself every good thing you have done for someone else. And that's the list to focus on. It's a great comfort to get in the habit of doing this, and you'll see why it is so important to "be your own best friend."
P.S From a reader:
Thank you so much, Mimi; your emails have really saved my relationship with my man. It's now four years dating him, and he is so loving and caring, and it's going stronger than ever. God bless your wonderful inspiration forever. CHEERS, MIMI.
A Handful of Mimi-isms
- Don't think of it as Getting Dumped, but as Divine Intervention.
- Love is a game... let the games begin!!
- Don't get mad; get gorgeous.
- That wasn't yelling, that was loud talking.
- There's nothing casual about casual sex.
- Do I like younger men? Is the Pope Catholic??
- A man must spend time thinking about you in order to fall in love with you.
- A man can only make the ultimate commitment when his admiration for you is as high as his desire.
- Be Hard to Get... or Easy to Forget!
- To err is human - to recover with grace is... simply DIVINE.
- For more Mimi-isms, subscribe to With Love, Mimi's relationship Tip of the Day!