What A Younger Man Should Never Say to an 'Older Woman'
       
by Mimi Tanner

Just the other day, while driving in Houston, Texas, I noticed a bumper sticker in front of me that said "The University of Houston COUGARS" in big letters.

COUGARS - I have taken my share of classes at UH over the years before and after I graduated from UNO, so it's not like I didn't know the name...

But the word *COUGARS* jumped out at me. I wonder why??? Then I started laughing to myself because the first thing that came into my mind was not college sports - since the word COUGAR has taken on a whole new meaning.

If you're reading this, you could be any age. I hear from all ages of people! It just so happens that I qualify age-wise for what is "laughingly known as"*  a "Cougar."

So what's the problem...?  I just don't like that word!!! And there's more... read on...

I have a friend and reader who may have been the first to coin the phrase "Cougarlicious" and yes, that is definitely cute!!

But what comes to my mind when I hear that word "Cougar" is something else - my mind starts wandering because that word is NOT a word that I would ever want to hear ANY man say to me. So my mind starts traveling - and here's how it goes:

I can just imagine a great evening. Everything could be going just fine. I could be spending time with some man who is 15 years younger than me, which certainly wouldn't ruin my day, and while I wouldn't expect to become the future mother of his children, I wouldn't expect the age thing to be the #1 focus, either!

So if the poor man actually referred to me as a COUGAR, well - that would just be like walking on a land mine.

All romantic atmosphere would be GONE instantly; I would stop and say "GAME OVER" or "Go home, Sonny" - or maybe I would just spell it out for him and say, "That word is the biggest turn-off you could have possibly said!!"

Why is that? It's because it focuses completely on the AGE - and in a way that may make a woman feel trivialized at best - and extremely turned off at worst!!

Why does the term "older woman" sound romantic and mysterious, when "Cougar" sounds just YUKKKK?????

I pity the poor guy who ever dares call me that, oh my gosh.  And I am sure that other women feel the same way!!

There are just SOME words that people can take, and some they can't. There are some topics that are sensitive, and some that are not.

Guys, if you date any woman who is 45 or older (I think that is about where the Cougar line starts...) - don't take any chances by using that word "Cougar" unless you KNOW that she just LOVES that word.

Maybe some women would take it as a compliment. MOST "older women" would rather hear "Wow, you look like you're in your thirties!"

TRUST ME.  That is what they would rather hear!! Say that or say nothing at all about the AGE thing, guys...

"Older Woman." THAT is much better. Guys, if you must use ANY phrase that refers to age (probably a very bad idea when you're with a woman who is 45 or more) then stick to that phrase - it's the one we Cougars grew up with, okay?? Have a heart, good grief.

(If you quote Ben Franklin, prepare to be shot - didn't he say that older women are GRATEFUL?? That almost cancelled out all the rest of the great things he did, trust ME!)

Poor guys, they probably feel like they have to walk on eggshells about everything they say. But it's not so difficult to make any woman feel good about herself!

Women (of any age) like passion. They want to feel that a man's attention is riveted on THEM. They want to feel that he GETS them. They want him to be like the men who never notice that their wife looks different than she did ten or more years ago!

And when it comes to LOVE, believe me, age has no bearing on the way the heart
works! True love, flirting, passion - that keeps all of us in our teens and twenties in our minds and hearts.
 
With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of "Hard to Get - Your Personal Guidebook on How to
Play the Game of Love!"
http://www.hardtoget.com
 

* "Laughingly known as" is a favorite phrase from a favorite play, "Black Comedy" by Peter Schaffer

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